All the things I don't know the difference between

Does anybody?

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I prefer to avoid looking ignorant if at all possible. It doesn’t always go to plan. But it’s about time someone was honest about this. Here are all the things I don’t know the difference between.

Crocodile and alligator

Outside of David Attenborough, does anybody really know the difference? As far as I can see, it’s exactly the same creature but with two different names. All I know is that crocodile is the more dominant one as it’s got Crocodile Dundee, Crocodile Rock, crocodile tears and Crocs. Whereas all an alligator has is ‘see you later alligator’ and the crocodile gatecrashes that with ‘in a while crocodile.’

I suppose there is that 80s horror film Alligator where a baby alligator is flushed down the toilet in New York and becomes huge in the sewers and kills a load of people. But I might be the only one who remembers that so it doesn’t count.

My feeling is, let’s just go with crocodile or cover both with ‘long, short dinosaur-looking thing’.

Satsuma, clementine, mandarine, tangerine and easy peeler

These are five names for what appears to be exactly the same thing. It’s totally out of control.

I could be persuaded that an easy peeler is different. And I like how it’s the only food named after how easy it is to prepare. It’d be good to have more of this kind of thing built into the name. Particularly with the ones that are harder to prepare. The butternut squash could be called a hellishly difficult peeler and chopper.

But apart from the easy peeler which claims to be easy to peel so I’m guessing, and obviously I’ve no idea, that maybe it’s been bred to have a looser skin or something. I don’t know. But these others ones – satsuma, clementine, mandarine, tangerine – there’s no discernable difference. They should all just be called little oranges.

Petrol and diesel

I’ve been driving for 32 years and I’ve no idea. I know there definitely is a difference as they wouldn’t come from two different nozzles at the garage if they were the same. And also I once saw a hire car with the word ‘petrol’ written on that petrol cap thing, which puzzled me as I thought that if you can drive, you should automatically know what that little circle is on the side of the car. But then someone explained it’s so they know it’s petrol not diesel.

Holland and The Netherlands

I did look this up once as I felt so ashamed but now I can’t remember so I won’t waste my time again. I think they should stop confusing us and stick to Holland. The Netherlands makes me think of the nether regions which used to mean hell but somewhat disturbingly evolved to mean your private parts. Presumably in Victorian times when that area was considered disgusting and immoral. Or just on a day when a lot of people had cystitis.

Bio and non-bio washing detergent

My best guess is that the bio one is a bit harsher, a big stronger, a bit bleachier. But why ‘biological’? Is it like biological warfare? Because that sounds really strong and I don’t want that near my clothes.

There was an exciting time in the 90s when they brought out a third option: colour. The detergent for if you want your clothes to retain their colour. Er, yes I did. Why was this only being offered now? Were we all wearing faded clothes up until then? I do know one thing. That non-bio doesn’t really exist outside of the UK, which makes me very suspicious but not so suspicious I’ll do anything about it.

First cousin and first cousin once removed

The only people who know the difference have thought about marrying their cousin and had to do some research so don’t even want to admit they know.

Olive oil, virgin olive oil and extra virgin olive oil

I know the virgin one is fancier and more expensive. But I certainly have no idea why the extra comes into it. Surely either you are a virgin or you’re not. We don’t talk about Anne Widdecombe being a virgin and Mother Theresa being extra virgin. It makes no sense and it should.

Although I would accept being called both stupid and extra stupid for knowing none of these things.

Please bear in mind there is a reason why I don’t know these differences. I could easily find out, but either there’s a crucial lack of interest or I’ve looked it up and then forgotten due to a crucial lack of interest. So no need to tell me.

But does anybody really know the difference between this stuff?

Welcome back to the Bit Weird, Quite Normal poll!

(Please be honest or I’ll look even more like a fool.)

Do you know the difference between…..

And if there is anything else you don’t know the difference between, tell me in the comments.