Please don't ask me to leave you a review

I can't deal with the guilt of not doing it.

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As we near the end of 2023, I would say that my most overriding emotion of the year is guilt at not leaving an online review for a business when I’d promised I would.

I had a plumber over to fix a radiator. It was a really simple job so he told me to give him £20 and then leave a good review on the website Nextdoor.

And I’m going to quote exactly what I said which is easy as it rings in my ears about 8 times a day, “Yes I’ll definitely do that. I’ll do it today.”

Because what an honest tradesman. He could’ve pretended the job was more complicated. He could have charged an exorbitant call-out fee. But he was a good man who just wanted to build the profile of his business.

So what did I do that day? Nothing. What did I do that month? Nothing. What did I ever do? Nothing.

I had the smashed screen of my mobile phone replaced at a local shop. The man put a protective film on it for free. And then he said the worst words ever: “Would you mind leaving a review for me here?” and handed me a card with all the details. I’d rather not have the film and have my screen smash again the very next day than have to leave a review.

As of course I never left the review and every time I walk past I feel guilty.

What is wrong with me? At the time of agreeing, I truly believe I will do it. I’m absolutely convinced. There’s no doubt at all. I’m sure of it. I’m brimming with belief. And then suddenly it’s next year and I’m pretty much empty.

I think part of it is not wanting to draw attention to myself. Like with the Nextdoor one. Nobody has asked for the review. Apart from the lovely plumber. And also I’d have to go on Nextdoor and then leave convinced that I was going to have my car stolen/house burgled/arm bitten by a dog. Nobody is putting good stuff on there. So I really should have.

I had a guy round to do some damp work. When he’d finished he asked if I’d be happy to leave a review. I did my usual, “Absolutely!” And then he got a card out and made me write one there and then. This guy had the measure of me.

It was a card from one of these rate-a-trader-type websites. You fill it in and then they call you to verify it. I lavishly praised his work as I wanted him to like me. But then I missed the call from the website and never got around to ringing them back. So it didn’t work that well.

I feel less guilty when it’s big companies. I’ll happily ignore endless emails asking me to rate a product or service. If you want my opinion, hire me as a management consultant.

And there are some circumstances with small businesses where no guilt should be felt. My friend Geoff was asked to review his funeral directors the same week as his mum’s funeral.

This demand for feedback is not the relatively new facet of modern life that we think it is though as I’d like to remind you of the guestbook. The review that comes too late to benefit anybody but the the hotel. Maybe they don’t have them anymore. But my boyfriend’s family’s holiday rental does.

I know this because I once stayed there with just my boyfriend and son and was asked to buy a new guestbook for the cottage. I found this interesting for three reasons.

1. That they’re still using a guest book.

2. That they need a new one, suggesting the old one must be full.

3. That you can still buy a guest book anywhere.

As it turned out, we easily found one in WHSmith with nice cream pages and allocated spaces for the name, address and comments. We’d also been asked to write the first review. Which was wise as who wants to be the first? The ice needed to be broken. And because we were the first, I wanted to do a good job.

So I spent some time thinking about what I was going to say. Probably a weird amount of time. Perhaps the longest anybody has ever spent thinking about what to write in a guestbook.

And I decided upon this:

Beautiful, peaceful place. Loved the beaches nearby.

And then recommended a few other local attractions.

I took my pen and wrote our names, then got started on the comment. And it was when I got to the end of the word ‘Beautiful’ that I realised I’d forgotten the address and was writing my comment in the address area.

My first thought was to cross it out. But that would make a terrible mess. So I went with my second thought, which has sporadically kept me up at night ever since.

I left the ‘Beautiful’ and then added my address of ‘Snaresbrook, London’.

I wrote ‘Beautiful Snaresbrook, London’. Making myself look like a total, total jerk. What awful person writes Beautiful in front of their home town in a guestbook? And it’s not like I live in the Cotswolds. It’s a London suburb. I hate myself. And maybe this pain is the root of my reluctance to leave any reviews.

But I’m still left with all this guilt. So I looked up how to deal with this negative emotion and the word ‘apologise’ kept popping up. Could this be the answer? I called the mobile phone fix shop.

“Hello,” I said, “I had my phone screen fixed by you over three years ago. And you gave me a free protective film and asked me to leave a review. And I never did. So I just wanted to say sorry.

The man cheerfully responded with, “Oh it’s okay ma’am. No problem.”

I was feeling better already. Could it really be this easy? “Are you sure?” I asked.

“No problem,” he told me.

“You don’t hate me?”

“No, no problem.”

It was starting to feel like this phone call might be more of an annoyance than the absence of a review so I ended it there. And I do feel better.

And they were so nice that there’s no doubt at all that if I need their services again I will leave a review. I’m absolutely convinced. I’m sure of it. I’m brimming with belief.

Enough about me. What about you? Tell me in the Bit Weird, Quite Normal poll.

RESULTS FROM LAST WEEK

I asked if you worry about how long to leave between door knocks or rings.

90% said yes.

10% said no.

I’m normal!